praying for myself

I love praying for others.  I mean, really, as a chaplain, that’s what I do.  I find it to be the most humble privilege in life.  When I pray for others, I can just feel God’s love pouring over them.  It might be through comforting and encouraging words to remind us of God’s presence and His promises.  Or it may not be through words at all, but just in the spirit of the moment—hand in hand, heart to heart, focused on God.  Seriously, what could be better?

What I’m wondering is why I can pray so easily for others in their time of need…but not so easily for myself in my own?

When I think of my typical prayer time with God, I’m mostly saying “thank you .”  Many times I’m asking “help me.”  But I don’t seem to hear myself saying “will you.”  If ever there was a time for me to pray “will you”…this would be it.  I pray it so easily for others…but not for myself.

I’m just thinking about why that is.

• Is it because I just trust Him implicitly and already know He will do for me?  In that case, “thank you” seems appropriate.
• Is it because I know regardless of the outcome, God will be with me?  Then “help me” would be fitting.
• Or, am I trying to be a “good” daughter and not ask too much of my heavenly parent?  My upbringing taught me not to ask for more than I needed.  Is a “will you” more than I need?

I’m not sure.

Maybe I just don’t know how to pray for myself right now.  Maybe that’s what it means to have others holding up your arms for you (Exodus 17:8-13).  And maybe that’s why Jesus intercedes like a descrambler between me and God.

I don’t know.

In the meantime, I will keep praying “thank you” and “help me.”  And I will keep trusting Him with “will you.”

 

Featured photo:  Rainbow at Neptune Beach, Summer 2012

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The rest of this story:  As I pushed “publish” for this post, Maria, my friend who cleans my house told me she wanted to share something with me.  She said, “Janet, I have two daughters.  When I have a container of strawberries, one will eat half and be satisfied.  The other will eat all she can, and even if I have kept only two for myself, she will ask for my two as well.”  “Janet,” she said, “I want you to ask God for the other two.  I want you to beg Him persistently.”  Fastest word from God I ever received!