we’re still having fun, and you’re still the one

What makes a marriage “work?” What makes a couple stay together, stay engaged, and stay in love?

Tomorrow, my husband Frank and I will have been married 35 years. I often think about what it is that has made our marriage work.

I don’t pretend to have “secrets” or “steps” or a “model” for a great marriage. As a matter of fact, I don’t believe that projecting what you think is a good marriage onto other people is necessarily helpful, as we are all unique and our marriages should reflect that. BUT…it’s fun for me to reflect on the story of Janet and Frank and consider our “themes.” So, today, in honor of our anniversary, I’m sharing some of those themes.

Forgiveness
We learned forgiveness at church. Not because we memorized a scripture about it or heard a powerful sermon on it. Rather, after years and years of being part of a faith group that is based on God’s forgiveness, the power of it has saturated into who we are. I’d say we are pretty dang quick to forgive, and it has saved us a lot of wasted time being mad and holding grudges.

Attraction
When I met Frank in the 10^th grade, I thought he was cute and funny. That was enough for me then…and quite honestly, it still works for me now!

Silliness
What I’ve come to understand about me is that I really love to laugh. Laughing AT each other and WITH each other is something I not only like, but actually need in my relationships. Thankfully, I’ve got all of that with Frank.

Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy is when a couple shares their spiritual thoughts and feelings. They pray together, talk about faith, participate as a couple in Bible study, retreats, etc. There are many forms of intimacy in a marriage…I think this is the most important, as it forms the basis of everything else.

Contentment
When I’m with Frank, I feel whole…like the two of us literally have become “one.” We can sit next to each other at home for hours doing absolutely nothing and be fully content. Consequently, we don’t have to entertain ourselves with activities or other people. Just him…just me…it’s more than enough.

Live Out Loud
Frank and I leave nothing behind. Nothing unsaid—no thoughts, no emotions, no words. It’s messy and probably makes others uncomfortable, but it tends to keep us honest and keeps marital toxins from building up.

Tomorrow is our anniversary. We won’t be on a trip, or at a luxury hotel, or in a swanky restaurant. I’ll wake up and come downstairs with my bedhead; Frank will smile, walk over to me, give me a big hug and kiss, and say “good morning,” and we will begin the next however-many-years we have left together having fun doing nothing at all with the one we love.

 

Featured photo:  Sadie Hawkins Dance, Lakeside High School, Atlanta, 1974.